Suffocate

I was writing a PR draft and listening to music. For some reason I wanted to listen to J. Holiday. “Suffocate” came on and I started singing my little heart out. The lyrics go something like this:

I can’t breathe when you talk to me

I can’t breathe when you’re touchin’ me

I suffocate when you’re away from me

So much love you take from me

I’m goin’ outta my mind

 
I started thinking, do guys really get like that over a female. Well yes, yes they do. I thought about some of the guys that I dated and how they felt about me. It’s hilarious seeing young men trip over their words and recognizing the change in their breathing. So I started thinking…have I ever felt like this over a guy. Well yeah, when I was in love. So then I got to thinking again…does one get to fall in love twice? It’s very hard to, but it does happen. But will I let it happen? Ehhh. I don’t want a human being having that much control over me. I don’t like anything controlling me (ask my parents lol). But I’ve been there…I’ve done that. When it’s good it’s great. When it’s bad it’s horrible. Is there a wall that I’ve built? Yeah…but I also built a door. Dudes would rather try to climb walls, versus just asking me for the key. Someone once told me that I was so easy that I’m difficult. But at the end of the day, I know what I’m worth and I don’t want to have these feelings for someone unless they’re worth it. A relationship…especially love…is extremely far from easy. Having to coexist with someone else, taking all of their faults, disadvantages and inexperiences (new word lol); then combining them with yours…oh gosh no! Lol. But what did I ultimately get out of this: nothing but repeating the song about 4 more times and me wanting to get back into writing love songs lol. It could be fun again…maybe 😉