Now Say What?

I know everyone has had those moments when someone you’re talking to says something that has you going, “Huh? Now say what?” You end up sitting there thinking that you can’t believe they said that because you felt they crossed the line, or you felt they were just to open to tell you that so freely. But what happens when you’re on the opposite end of the conversation; you’re the one talking and you can tell by the way they responded that they weren’t “feeling that” at all. What do you do? Well it all depends on you as a person. Most people try to retract the statement, but some just go with it. I choose to just go with it. I’m a public person so I don’t mind talking about me. Only time I’m private is when it comes to relationships and friendships. I never disclose their business; you wouldn’t even know the person and I were in a relationship or friends. But my thoughts, my views, my past, and present are always on display whether I out-right tell you, or you ask. One can say that that’s very risky because it leaves people looking at you like you’re crazy or gives people the chance to criticize your every move. True, I deal with both, but it doesn’t bother me at all. One event happened to me and after it occurred, I told myself I would say what I believe in or what I feel I need to say for my own personal contentness. Whether it altered the situation or the person’s outlook on me, at least I would know that I got my point across. And at the end of the day, I know who I am and I don’t need to take into consideration the other person’s outlook upon me, because I look at me through my eyes, not theirs. The situation that I dealt with happened when I was 14, beginning of the 8^th grade. I was in “puppy love” and I wouldn’t tell him how I felt, or just a lot of things because I felt he would leave if I did. The most hilarious part of the whole situation was that he left anyway! I was like, “Damn, I should have just told him either way since the outcome would have been that same.” Lol! That was just the big event. I was always nice and quiet because growing up I was fat. The fat girl has no choice but to be nice, personality is all that she has going for her. By 7^th grade I had lost all the weight, and in 8^th grade was still getting used to the societal changes of not being fat anymore. It had always been a lot of things I wanted to speak on or just openly tell but it would have made me an outcast. You can’t be a fat outcast…that’s two stigmas. Being a good-looking outcast is fine because it’s only one stigma, and when you’re good-looking, no matter how much of an outcast you think you are…you never are. People are shallow, people who hate people will still talk to a good-looking person. Anyway, I started to talk a lot more and liked it. When you express how you feel, it’s nothing on your mind at night because you’ve cleared it all throughout the day. Doing this also helps keeps fights at bay. Have you ever said one calm/nice word to a person without knowing that you said the “trigger word” that set them off? You’re sitting there looking so confused, not knowing they had all these bottled up words for you. Now that’s craziness! I saw myself doing that as well and that right there is insane! I had to let it go and just be more open. Some people say that’s not good to be that open because you’re not filtering yourself and it can have a negative effect on people. Well, it’s your responsibility to decide what to filter, or even if you want to filter it.