Cold Hearted

I feel kind of bad for myself. Just broke up with someone I fell in love with twice. I couldn’t do anything but shrug my shoulders and went on about facebooking, twittering, texting, and watching TV like I usually do on a late night. My head was hurting and it actually went away. I guess all my tears went away all the times he pissed me off or if I felt us falling apart then. It’s weird…the guy I gave the most to I have no emotion for. Maybe I could of faded away just like the last time we said goodbye. But no, this time it’s different. I don’t feel any hate. I could cry, but if I do it’s tears of joy. I loved him so much, but my love for someone will never override my own happiness. I no longer have to deal with his past that bothered me the most. I could play Destiny’s Child ‘Free’ song but that’s corny; I’m just content. I would really like to stay friends if that is possible. I think he’s a great guy but doesn’t trust himself to be in a real relationship. But maybe it could also be that I didn’t put my all into it because I felt he didn’t trust me 100% like he would tell me he did. I don’t know but all I know is that tomorrow is a new day and I know exactly what I want to the T. If I don’t get it, then I don’t want it. If I never get it, I’m content. If I do get it, I’m content. But right now I know I’m too content to the point it scares me. How can I just throw things away like that? I blame my dad I guess. As a young child I was use to giving up everything and having to start all over within 24 hrs. I moved around a lot as a child and everyday that went by I never would know if we’d be staying in that city of moving. But all I know is that I have no back up guy. I was never looking. I was engaged for goodness sake! Lol! And thanks guys…but I’m not the female that needs to hop in a relationship right away to make herself feel better so can ya’ll not send the relationship apps to my inbox. 🙂

P.S. He always changes me… I get colder hearted every time after I deal with him. I’m going to have to learn to be nicer to the next guy… Sorry Mr. Unknown 😀