I didn’t feel right closing out “Texas Chick” without shooting a music video. My hometown of Dallas has changed so much over the years, so I wanted to shoot at some of the new landmarks while also showcasing the classics. “I Told You” birthed the EP after writing a track detailing how I felt after dealing with a guy. You can read about it here: Familiarity: The Time It Takes To Let Go; because there’s no need to go into detail, and the song expresses enough. Check out my city below!
“When did you become so Black all of a sudden?” said my older sister. I don’t associate with the word “Black”. I stopped that my sophomore year of college after attending an NAACP meeting, being in African American studies and filming “Vexed by African Americans”. There is nothing on my body that’s black…not my hair, not my skin, not my irises. I’m brown…it’s simple as that. SN: Do I still stand by my words in “Vexed by African Americans”…yes. I’ve learned that only youthful mindsets can be altered. Grown ignorant people will forever be grown, ignorant people. I tend to now focus all my efforts on the youth, especially those 16 and under. I’ve learned that a lot of Juniors and Seniors in high school are also already set in their ways.
Anyway, a lot of changes were solidified for me during the latter half of my 27th year during my time in Brazil, especially in Rio de Janeiro. I learned that things such as World Geography and History aren’t taught in public schools within the favelas. That saddened my heart to the point that I read a chapter to my youngest nephew every night about his ancestry. I started to wonder will these kids ever know where they came from, what do their parents tell them? It brought me back to the thought that people with the same complexion, and obviously the same roots as I, will say things in disgust like, “I’m not Black, I’m Puerto Rican, Dominican, Colombian, Cuban, Brazilian, etc.” We all are people of African descent. I remember when I was in Cartagena, this guy pointed to his skin and said we have the same skin. I told him that duh, we both are people of African descent no matter how hard he himself tries to claim only Latino. But this is my thing…You. Can. Claim. Both! But why do the most to distance yourself from Africa? True, when I was younger it felt like I needed to claim just one thing, but during middle school and above, the grade of my hair automatically had people asking, “What you mixed wit?” For the record, 65% of my DNA places me in Africa (West African, Bantu). The other 35% places me in Europe (French, British) and North America (Cherokee, Mexican (which honestly is another form of Native American)). I break all of that down to say that I’m fortunate to know at least that. I do/did try to talk as much as possible to my grandparents and my great-grandparents before they left this earth to ask/hear every story. But all of my learning because of traveling has taught me that maybe some children don’t claim their African ancestry because their parents don’t talk about it, don’t know about it, refuse to acknowledge it or even pass it down. What if those are reasons why those of African descent in Latin countries separate themselves so hard from Africa. We can even talk about how the media portrays people of African descent to be poor, uneducated, promiscuous and crime-ridden. I’ve never been poor, I’m extremely smart, don’t even need all of my fingers on two hands to count my sexual partners and I have no record…never even been arrested. And no I’m not the exception; there are millions of us.
“So what is this US thing?” In college and even after, I tried to distance myself from any racial “boundary”. I would just label myself as a brown skin girl who bubbled in “Other”. I didn’t have time for the: “Well you don’t act like them”, “Where are you from, where are your parents from”. The looks and body language that read: “Oh, she’s not like the rest of them, she’s different, I could take her home to my parents (of non-African descent)”, “We’re going to use her for this campaign so we won’t seem like we aren’t diverse, her hair is fine enough, lips and nose proportional enough, not too dark”. Yes, I definitely recognize that if I had kinky hair, really big lips, really flat nose, and really dark skin a lot of people probably wouldn’t even talk to me. I’m just enough but not too much. Did I ever mention why I stopped signing to agencies? I had my last agent around 23 years old. I decided not to re-sign because I noticed since I stopped straightening my hair after high school, agents don’t know what castings to send me on. It’s like they’ve never seen brown skin girls with curly hair; they have curly hair attached to “ethnically ambiguous” looking people. Laughable. As I digress, I do, I sincerely do rep every single piece of my ethnicities, but I’m choosing to stand with those of African descent. Why? Because out of all my ancestry, the world keeps perpetuating this undesirable, even savage, stereotype on those of African descent. They’re the underdog; they need the most help in shattering the screens of how the world views them. So THEM is now US, THEY are now WE.
Pan-Africanism. We are soooooo divided. Not only do all people come from Africa, they were the first to walk to every corner of the earth, they were also shipped, yes SHIPPED, all over the world. Growing up, and it hit really hard in college seeing that I went to the number 2 most diverse university at the time, seeing the disconnect with those who are American born of African descent and those born in continental Africa. I really wish we had a big platform to sit and air out our issues. There’s a lot of resentment from both parties…I included. I’ll save that for another blog, or maybe I’ll be the one to start that forum or assist with it. Even when I’m in Africa, when they realize I’m from America, they point at both of our skin and say, “But we’re the same color.” Uh, no duh, you’re further proving my point of why we should all be one. I’ve learned to just look at them as say, “I know you’ve seen Denzel Washington, Will Smith or Jamie Foxx in American movies to know that there are brown skinned people in North America.” Africa is the 2nd most populous continent in the world, but it’s still in such disarray. I personally feel European and even American powers need to pull out and Africa needs to take no more of China’s loans, but that’s neither here nor there. Nevertheless, corruption is still prevalent; too many chiefs trying to be kings, too many parties of opposition within Africa’s own. But what if, just what if African countries could find some common ground? What if, just what if those of African descent who don’t reside in continental Africa came together and looked out for one another as ONE? Would it scare those of European descent…totally! They have always been fearful of our people, always wanted the power, education, natural resources, etc. that we possess. I mean…European powers feel that way about all people of color regardless of their continental background. Colonialism didn’t just start out of nowhere.
Pan-Africanism vs. Black Power – UNIA/Black Liberation – Black Lives Matter, understand where I stand. I don’t stand with the latter organizations. I’m about people of African descent from all around the world. I’m a global not local type of female. I even call “Black History Month”, “Pan African History Month”. I’m all about the strides of people of African descent from all over the world, not just America. See that’s that division again that I’m talking about…it must be erased for anything to ever get accomplished. The only time you’ll see me with Red, Black and Green is during Kwanzaa. Other than that, I’ve chosen Green, Yellow, and Red. The Pan African flag is essentially the old Ethiopian flag, the O.G. flag.
Green: represents the richness and the fertility of our land as well as hope.
Yellow: represents religious freedom and peace.
Red: represents the sacrifice of our fathers, who spilled their blood in defense of [liberation].
A lot of country flags within the continent of Africa use the same color. So there you have it. You know where I stand. You know who I’m here for. Even though they get on my nerves sometimes for several reasons that I won’t name here, I look at it as a family. Sure, your siblings get on your nerves to the point that you’ll need your space, may even say some foul words towards them…but if anyone outside of your family did that, you’d be gunning for their heads.
To date, I’ve been to 63 countries. For the past four years, I’ve taken a sabbatical every year. A sabbatical is different from a vacation. I’ve taken a vacation once and believe me, it’s very boring and not fulfilling. I have nothing I need to take a break from. I can sit around and eat and rest at home. When you look up the word “sabbatical,” you’ll see things such as: it’s derived from the biblical Sabbath, which serves an ancient human need to build periods of rest and rejuvenation into a lifetime, getting an extended leave from work to pursue a break, a rest from work often lasting one month to a year, a time to get away, anew and refreshed, etc. I just finished watching a video from a travel blogger that I’m subscribed to (Anita Wing Lee), and she spoke about why she took a year break from social media and decided to plant her feet back in her hometown of Toronto. She spoke of her breakdown in Montenegro. She’d been to all these places in the world on her journey to search for the truth, and ultimately it led her back to the thing she once denounced…God. I’ve included the video below as well for your viewing. I was inspired to speak about the reason why I travel. I talk about it to people who ask, but I’ve never put it on paper, well, Microsoft Word in this day and age. I remember when I was completing my 50 states in 2017 (I had 12 states left, plus I hit a few provinces in Canada). My younger sister and I were on the phone, and she commented, “When are you bringing your Eat, Pray, Love self back home? Out there trying to find yourself.” I thought it was hilarious. It was funny to me because that’s what I wasn’t doing. I know a lot of young people who do travel to find themselves. Luckily, I knew as a child that it was about creating who you wanted to be. How can you find something that you never had? It’s not like when you were born you came out with a blueprint of who you had to grow up to be. By 15, I had already seen enough and been through enough situations to know who I wanted to be, and it was definitely solidified by 19. In the case of Anita, she was able to find religion again and become whole. I’m not a religious person. I don’t like what religion stands for. To me, it feels like a cult with a lot of rules, and if you don’t do it this or that way, you’re guaranteed to burn in hell. I grew up in Baptist churches until I was a teenager. My mom and dad went to separate churches. Now I did feel my mom’s church was more ‘laxed…but it was still Baptist. I remember feeling like and even being told that I couldn’t have communion until I was baptized. Boy/Girl BYE! I take communion to this day and give one to my youngins that aren’t baptized. And I still haven’t been baptized. I tried to do it in the Jordan River when I was in Israel, but it’s a long story. And once I got on site, I realized that everything happened for a reason, and I didn’t want to do it there anymore, especially not with someone else’s pastor. As I digress, once I became a teenager, my family started going to a non-denominational Christian church. I like those types of churches, and I still attend one to this day. I wouldn’t say I ever frayed away from the church. I even went to church throughout college. I guess I was lucky, especially from hearing other people’s stories. I never felt that religion or Christianity was pushed on me growing up. I never felt I had to go to Bible study, Sunday school, and be at the church 24/7. It’s funny because my dad is like that now with his younger kids, but I guess he wasn’t in that place with his first wife (my mother). It’s kind of like being a Democrat. My family comes from a long line of Democrats, but that doesn’t mean I have to be one. I’m my own person; I can make my own decisions. And for the record, I’m not a Democrat or Republican. I look more at what a candidate stands for, and no candidate in my lifetime has eased me of this student loan debt, so I don’t care about any of them. Back on topic, I’ve always known/felt that there has to be something more than I, something higher than I, something that has more power than I can possess on my own. I don’t think you understand how many V.I.P. exits God has executed on my behalf. V.I.P. exits are things you thought you wanted or situations you could have easily been put in, that God has saved you from. Roads you could have been led down, but God detoured you, and life is better for it. Even if you couldn’t see it then, you see it now. It took me six months, but I finished reading the Bible in 2013; I had recently turned 22. Yes, it’s definitely some things in there that I take with a grain of salt, but the message is still there at the end of the day. I always say I’d rather believe in something than nothing. My travel journeys have taken me to the Holy Land, and honestly, I feel more connected to God when I’m home. Especially walking through the Old City, I could feel the arrogant vibes from some “religious” people. And you can believe what you want to believe, but I don’t personally believe that God would put a certain group of people over another. I have no time for the “chosen people” debate. But am I spiritual? Yes, 100%. My spirituality lies in Christianity. But how did I find my spirituality? Did travel have a part to play? No. It has always been there; I just honed it into my own experience, something that I could 100% accept based on my thinking, my experiences, my viewpoint, my learnings through research, and it’s forever growing. So why do I travel, let alone take sabbaticals? Traveling for me, taking sabbaticals is a way for me to be alone with myself. A time for me to get out of the everyday hustle and bustle that one feels they need to be a part of to survive in America. I get away from the American mindset, the American way of living. I use sabbaticals to grow me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Why can’t you just meditate daily? Because it’s not getting away from the problem. You get away for an hour or so, but then you’re thrust right back into it. You need to fully immerse yourself elsewhere for an extended period to actually allow something to work. It’s like being injured, taking a day’s rest, and then returning to work. No, to heal the injury, you need to rest for weeks, and then you can return to the situation in a better condition. I travel to assist in sustaining my peace. That’s my life’s mantra. I tell all the men that try to talk to me, “Don’t stress me, because as soon as you disturb my peace…I’m gone.” Lol. But for real, that’s with anything in life. I’ve been blessed to know that money isn’t everything and that I’m truly blessed. Traveling does that to you; it humbles you. It makes you realize that the Western mentality isn’t everything. I’m already rich…literally. People are out here surviving off a salary of $40 a month and still thankful for what they have. People are out here eating from trashcans and sleeping on the dirt ground. I’ve quit marketing programs because a new party wanted to come in and disturb my peace. The money will come, but I won’t be peaceless while acquiring it. I applaud the people who travel to search for the truth, find themselves, discover a higher power, and actually find it. Nothing is more fulfilling than finding what you’ve been searching for; answers mean everything! I love hearing stories about people that were hollow but made whole. I’m happy that they’re happy, that they’re able to find joy. But now you know my story, I travel for an expansion of enlightenment. My foundation has always been there, but it’s always good to deepen it, make it anew, and be immersed in another way of living. Travel allows me to prune myself in order to bring about even more peace. Now, who can’t use an abundance of peace?!
I am a very blunt person and I tend to say things that are known as an “unpopular opinion”. I mean…I even speak about “unpopular facts”. I’ve never felt I had to be a part of a crowd, never had to be trendy, I just never really cared. I’ve never wanted to be a follower, so it saddens me to see so many people, especially young people, not being able to think for themselves. I also had to let the masses know that I am the only one that knows me like me; I never have and never will try to be someone else/something I’m not. And I honestly don’t have the time for whatever BS people try to swing my way. It’s important to protect your mind from the lies and all the fake “woke” people. You can’t believe everything that everyone is saying. It always should be a top priority to research everything for yourself, to always form your own opinion about something. There are too many outlets for people to spread lies and make opinions seem like they’re facts. With that being said, I hope you really listen to the lyrics of this track that I penned, “My Own Mind”…
