“Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could [Of Been]”

It’s been a day since I cut it loose and I’ve been thinking about it constantly; it’s even been in dreams like real talk! So I feel that the best way to let it go is to write about it and it doesn’t even matter if it gets back to him…I’m going to be good either way. This for me is like writing it down on paper and balling it up and tossing it in the dumpster…it’s only right.People say it’s three strikes then you’re out…no! I only do two times. So basically if you were my ex once and we tried it again, and if that didn’t work then it’s done. That’s my sole purpose for writing this.

I Wish He Could Of Changed. That’s all it came down to honestly. I’ve been reviewing my relationships and noticing how I tend to mold males into the guy I want but by doing that, I leave then to drown when I see if they can stay afloat; so that’s not a good look. I’m just all around tired of molding…Why Can’t I Just Like You How You Are?! The funny part is I don’t tell them to change because that’s not the type of ship I’m running here. I tell them what I don’t like and they work on it, kind of like a compromise. You alter some of your bad ways and you get me! 🙂 Hahaha. Anyways to let’s get to the point!

There’s this guy that I liked, like I really did even though he may not think it; I just have different ways of showing it. I told him I didn’t want a relationship at first because I wanted to see how things were going to go for a while. And I did see how things were going to go…after two weeks I saw it was going No Where! When we kicked it in Dallas, he was such a sweetheart. It seemed like things were going to go great. But when you get people out of their natural habitat, they show the “other” side of them. I didn’t like it at all! The things I began seeing reminded me of things that ended my past relationships so I knew what the outcome to this one would be. Let me start by saying that during these 2 weeks we acted like we were together behind closed doors but when we were in public we didn’t. I blame that on me for me saying I didn’t want a relationship so that’s so not the bad part. The bad part was his tendencies that I didn’t agree with. He would get so loud and aggressive for no reason. I can’t stand when people are loud and aggressive with it for no reason, especially if they are cursers. I picked up a cursing habit my first semester so I’ve been working on getting rid of it. Most of the time you are a product of your environment, and that’s why I didn’t want a lot of cursing around me. And he would start early, like as soon as we wake up. Spending nights together are major mind changers, especially if you’re spending a night at their place. Hahaha Major Mind Changers! I seemed like he could never keep focus, but that’s weird because he used to give me all his focus, especially when we were in Dallas. It seems like when I talked now he didn’t even care and the funny part is I don’t even talk that much because I’m more of a listener. It began to feel as if I was having a conversation with my nephew because of his attention span. He would have a tendency of saying sorry to everything but they were empty sorries. I’m not the type of female who wants to hear sorry and everything is back to normal, no I need to see actions instead of talk. He seemed to have gave himself a nick name “The Brook”. I told him it sounded like a freaking tree branch, better yet a wrestling name. lol. Like I’m not about go around the person I’m “talking to” going around saying I can do this or that because I’m C.Nichole. No, I’m just Christin around you. He got to his point where I noticed he wouldn’t answer my text messages. Again, in Dallas it was constant text and even calls. I remember me saying that I didn’t like the way he would talk to girls on Facebook and I didn’t even care if he was playing. I told him this before we even came to this. Then while we were “Us” he still was doing it. That doesn’t seem like we are progressing. If I liked someone, you won’t catch me making a comment of someone’s picture saying “all mine” etc etc. That’s just not what’s hot! Like I could of sworn I was hot, lol, and he making comments to lame looking ones. I’m not that type of chick. I know my worth and I’m not the type to look over signs in the beginning. I sooooo didn’t know that he smoked weed. I hate it! I don’t like smokers; I don’t care what it is. He drinks too, that’s more acceptable, but not the kind of drinking he does. I hate people who drink to get drunk! (As he already said that it’s sad but he likes his bad habits. WTH!) However, I feel we went to fast and that f-ed stuff up. But I tried to slow it down, I really did, but he just sulked about it until I was like ugh ok whatever and just went on like it had been. He wasn’t clingy, which was beautiful, but at the same time, it felt like he wasn’t really there, like he really could care less. There has to be some kind of balance. When I start to feel like my services are no longer needed, I just leave. Lol. Point blank. And it doesn’t even matter anymore. After I told him, “I don’t think we should be like we were.” He said ok and hummed his way out of there not even asking why, he showed no signs of wanting to compromise. At that moment, I realized I did the right thing to let it go because he showed no interest of even knowing the reason why. So the book is closed on him and I’m not trying to write a series.

P.S. I’ve written over 1,000 words so easy, but it takes major encouragement for me to write 750 words on a school assignment.lol. Craziness. I just had to take a different approach on my blog at this moment…my regular style of topics will be back next post 😉