Hurt: Letting Go vs. Getting Let Go
Hurt hurts right? But which one hurts more; letting someone go because you don’t want to hurt them…or getting let go because the person doesn’t want to hurt you? The crazy part about all of this is that everyone gets hurt in the end. I’ll explain later. But this topic came to me after watching “Power” and seeing the recap from last week’s episode. To sum it up, the character Jamie (Ghost) let his girlfriend, Angie go because he didn’t want to lie to her. Jamie was going back to the life he let go in order to be with Angie and be able to make her happy (Angie knew about his past life as a drug dealer). Instead of stringing Angie along knowing that she’d eventually find out and be hurt, Jamie left. He made up some lame excuses and walked out. As soon as Jamie closed the door, Angie broke down in tears, and Jamie could hear it in the hallway. He then turned around and cried (like a man though) on the other side of the door. He got himself together, turned around and left. He felt he had to, and I got it, I understood. Angie knew Jamie wasn’t telling her everything, but it didn’t matter because he had already made up his mind about leaving. Ok, now that you’re caught up, let’s continue.
Letting Go: Having to let someone go is weird because it’s like, are you being selfish or are you being selfless? I’ve let someone go because I didn’t want to hurt him. Why would I hurt him though? Simple, I saw that I couldn’t be the woman he needed. Sometimes the other person can’t see that because they are so blinded by who they think you are, because they’ve put in their head who they want you to be. I knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep my attention. He was a good guy, great guy, but those are the type of guys I don’t want to ruin. They need to be fresh for the next young lady. No one wants to have to deal with a hurt partner, assisting them with putting the pieces back together. And when I let people go, I tell them some of the most hateful things in order to burn that bridge. I don’t want them returning, because I know it won’t be any different. Plus, I don’t want the idea of me trying to return. Well how does that make the other party feel? I honestly don’t know and don’t want to be there to find out. And of course men aren’t going to tell you. I’ve luckily never had to do this in person (the benefit of being a long distance relationship person). I’ve had to do it once over the phone and once via text. The one over the phone, you could hear it in his voice, his pleads and at the same time his energy had been drained. I don’t think he cried, even though it sounded like he was about to. He found a chick rapidly to try to fill that void. He ended up calling me back and telling me that it just wasn’t the same and she knew it too. I told him he needs to be with her and make something of it. Having someone to keep your mind off of someone did him good. I just couldn’t stay. Now as for the other guy, I literally have no idea. His texts back were astonishing to say the least. I don’t know if he meant those things, or if he just said them out of hurt. I didn’t know him that well in order to really know. I ended up having to email him about something a month later and he told me that autocorrect wrote something that he wasn’t trying to say. I honestly don’t believe him and don’t really care, because it was comprised of a lot of other things. But that one was really easy for me. The ones that aren’t easy for me are when they are pleading with you and hardly have the words to say. Those are the ones that you know are real; those are the ones that will have you thinking at night for a while. Those are the ones that hurt both parties. But someone has to be the adult, someone has to leave, someone has to take the blinders off. I don’t want to know who I’ll become when I’m unhappy with a mate. I’ve never stayed in anything I was unhappy about. I don’t want to know if I would become depressed or a cheater. Either way, both of those things sound horrid. I don’t like being stuck in an unpleasing situation for the sake of someone else’s feelings that say they have.
Getting Let Go: I. Can’t. Deal. This has only happened to me once in my life. I was reminded by the “Power” episode I mentioned earlier. That. Shit. Hurts. It’s never fun being on the opposite end of the situation. As I said before, I’m a long distance type of girl, but I happened to be in town for a while. We had been through our ups and downs of course. We had a situation that so happened to be one of the downs. He ended up having to make his way to work, so I walked him to the car. He stood by the car and told me things like he was no good for me, he didn’t deserve me, we need to end it, it would be better, yadda yadda yadda. I felt like I was a little girl again. I just looked up at him with tears welling, that eventually fell and wouldn’t stop. Crying in someone face isn’t my strong suit. I hate crying anyway, it makes my head hurt so I don’t cry often…maybe once a year. Anywho, I was a mess. He was looking at me and I could tell by his eyes and body language that it wasn’t easy for him, but it was tragic for me. It felt like my world was crumbling; falling to then be dropped into the deepest ocean trying to swim up, only to come into contact with f-in waves crashing everywhere and me drowning because I can’t reach the surface to come up for air. You know how girls cry when it’s hard for you to understand what they’re saying because they’re trying to talk in between their sobs and making those ugly faces. Yeah…that was me and I didn’t give two shits. He had to go so he wouldn’t be late. I was staying at my moms, and I remember walking in the house. I told you earlier how I hardly cry…when my mom saw me walk in; she just looked and didn’t say a thing. She hadn’t seen me cry as an adult. I wasn’t crying anymore, but when I cry, my eyes are two huge puffballs; it’s crazy. But I think she wanted to say something; she just knew it wasn’t the right time and left me alone. That’s good though because when things like that happen, I need to be left alone. I don’t want anyone comforting me. I just knew I wanted him back. I laid in my bed and wrote a long ass text. I couldn’t let love go. I loved that young man and I wasn’t having it. I don’t like when people try to tell me what I need and don’t need, tell me how I should feel and not feel. I knew what I wanted and I wanted it back! He worked the 3rd shift, so the next day he got off work, he ended up meeting up with me, talked about it and we worked it out. But everyone doesn’t get as lucky as I was. All I know, is I felt Angie and I don’t want to be on her side of that situation every again. One time was enough.