Marriage!?…Kids!?

Marriage!?…Kids!?

Marriage: I never was that little girl growing up thinking about a family, I always thought about success. As a woman I was already aware that it’s unlikely that you will have both; most of the time it’s a Catch 22. To be honest I loved my siblings growing up and still do, but I’ve never been a family person. Marriage!?…Kids!? I’ve always been the child that stays in their room and the only way you’ll know she’s living is if she needs something or she is going to eat or go to the restroom or something. I guess you can say I’m content with being alone. I developed that along my elementary, middle school, and high school days because I went to 12 different schools before I hit college. I didn’t “fit in” everywhere and was content with that. Ever heard the saying about someone feeling alone in a room full of people…well it happens. People may look and think I’m with a crowd, but inside I know I’m still alone. People tend to think that I don’t want to get married because my parent’s marriage didn’t work. Not true. I honestly never wanted their marriage to work because I never thought they were compatible. But I’ve seen great marriages as well. But truthfully, I don’t want to wake up to the same person every morning, I’d rather just have long term boyfriends or be alone. Then that’s when I hear you’re going to be lonely, you’re not have legacy to pass on to your kids, or you’ve never known love. I’m not going to be lonely…I actually (which is scary) like being alone, and is super content about it. I don’t need kids to have a legacy; the next generation of my family has already been started because I am Auntie Chole so if I need to pass something down, I have the option. I’ve known love and have wanted to get married before. Do I think I will ever know love like that again? No. Have I been in love since then? Yes. But there are different stages of being “in love”. 1st stage, I love being around you, 2nd stage I accept you and all your flaws and strengths, 3rd I accept you as my lifelong companion. This previous time, I was half way between my second stage and turned my back on loved because I didn’t feel with him I could hit the 3rd stage, while he has already hit it. It’s crazy when I see young people getting married below the age of 20 or even older people that get married for materialistic things. I don’t know…it’s crazy!

Kids: I never was that girl who wanted kids and had to play “mama” because I was already doing it with my little siblings, especially my little bro when my dad had to work long hours because he was in Real Estate. Sadly, I’m selfish and I know you can’t be that way when you have a child because you have to make sacrifices. I love kids, yes I do, they are beautiful because I see so much hope in them. They are so truthful and they haven’t been corrupted by the world yet. But I love them, because they are not mine; I can send them back when I please. I know what kind of profession I want to be in (marketer for a record label) and I know it would be unfair to be gone for days at a time without my child and I wouldn’t want them to move around half as much as I did growing up. Now I do want my nephew to come live with me when he hits his teens. People look at me like I’m stupid, “Why would you want a teen?” I’d rather have a teen than a young child because I feel it’s less responsibility. You already know how to read, you’re toilet trained, you can feed yourself, and blah blah blah. That’s why it kills me to see these young people in high school or fresh out of high school with babies…you’re still young yourself, you’re still learning yourself. But it’s not for me to understand…whatever!

P.S. Never marry because you’re expecting a child. Sex and a seed won’t make a marriage work. You have to get married for the sake of love because if it isn’t for love it will fall apart and that will hurt the child even more in the long run.